Red Neck For Today

A guy walks into a bar and says, “I just heard a great redneck joke!”

A HUGE guy gets up off a barstool and says, “Just a minute, buddy. Before you tell that joke, I’m Jake. I’m six-three and weigh two-eighty, all muscle. And I’m a redneck.

Jake points to another guy. “See him? He’s a professional wrestler, and he’s a redneck.

“And the guy behind the bar has a pistol next to the cash register and he’s a redneck, too.

“Now, you really want to tell that joke?”

And the fellow thinks and says, “Nah. I don’t want to have to explain it three different times.”

A Wisconsin man got a job with the Minnesota highway department painting lines down the center of the highway.

The supervisor told him he was expected to paint two miles of highway a day, and the man started work the next day.

The first day the man painted four miles. The supervisor thought, “Great.” The next day the man only painted two miles but the supervisor thought, “Well, it’s good enough.”

But the third day the man only painted one mile and the Boss went out to talk to him. He said, “Is there a problem? An injury? Some reason you keep painting less and less highway?”

“Well, I keep getting farther and farther from the bucket.”

Texan Needed Some Lumber

“I need to buy some boards there, Clive.”

“How long you want ’em, Gus?”

“Long time. I’m building a house, ya know.”

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